


Behind the Scenes

by ML_Fox



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Acting, Actors, Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Behind the Scenes, Canon Compliant, Casual Route Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), Comfort, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Developing Relationship, Doubt, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Filming, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Love Zen | Ryu Hyun, Idiots in Love, Intimacy, Kissing, Light Angst, Long Shot, Love, Named Main Character (Mystic Messenger), Not Cheating, OTP Feels, One Shot, One True Pairing, POV Female Character, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Post-Canon, Protective Zen | Ryu Hyun, Romance, Romantic Fluff, True Love, Zen | Ryu Hyun's Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ML_Fox/pseuds/ML_Fox
Summary: "This... this is real."Set after Zen's Valentine's Day dlc.On Valentine's Day, Lux received comfort and reassurances from Zen after he discovered the rumours surrounding him and his co-star, Jocelyn. That's the end of it. Lux feels no insecurities as the rumours reach an all-time high, not even when Zen leaves for a month-long location shoot.But one kissing scene changes everything...
Relationships: Main Character (Mystic Messenger) & Original Character(s), Zen | Ryu Hyun/Main Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Behind the Scenes

“I don’t want to leave you… it’s bad timing.”

Lux smiles helplessly at Zen, squeezing his hand.

On Valentine's Day, Zen discovered the rumours surrounding him and his co-star, Jocelyn. Back then the media and public speculated in reckless fun, but now everyone believes that the two are in a real relationship. They have all but discounted Zen's announcement as a sham… that he and Lux are.

It angers him. He's angry _for_ her.

As for what Lux feels about it... well, does it matter?

They love each other. That's the truth.

It should be enough.

"I want to come with you if that's any consolation," she chuckles.

Zen smiles back at her, kissing her hands.

"Screw the contract, honestly," he sighs. "I want them all to see us together, even on my work trips. If they see how perfect we are for each other they'll think twice on the bullshit they spread every day."

"Mmm," she agrees. "But sadly work's called both of us away."

"Yeah..."

Zen pulls her in a tight embrace. Lux circles her arms around him, holding on as she buries her face in the crook of his neck. Inhaling deeply, she comforts herself with his favourite cologne, his clean scent that’s just underneath. The consoling way he rubs her back almost brings tears to her eyes. The moment they met he's always put her first. Even now, when he's advancing in his career, he continues to look out for her. Why should she worry about what everyone else says? He never fails to show her how much he loves her.

"I'll miss you," she murmurs. "So much."

"I'll miss you too, babe," he says. "I miss you already."

With a sigh, she steps back. She feels the reluctant flex in Zen's arms, but he follows her lead. Holding onto his shirt, she stares into his garnet eyes. Within the glittering depths are longing and concern. She smiles as he cups and caresses her cheeks.

"Take care, okay?" she says, leaning into his touch. "Don't work yourself sick. Also, _do_ enjoy yourself. Jeju's a beautiful place so take the time to heal."

"Your wish is my command, my princess," Zen says with a small bow. "But without you beside me, I can never fully heal. You're the best elixir in this whole universe, after all."

"Zen..." she laughs, blushing.

"Don't be sick too, okay?" he continues. "Stay healthy. Eat well."

"I will."

"Let's do our best."

“Yes.”

“And let’s think about each other—at least once a day.”

“I’ll think about you every minute,” she promises.

“Me too,” he beams. “Let’s meet each other in our dreams.”

“Of course,” she says. “And I’ll text you every day.”

“Same.”

“It’s okay if you don’t reply; I just want to tell you things.”

“Same goes for you.”

“And we’ll video call each other.”

“As much as possible.”

She laughs. “We’ll be fine.”

“We _will_ be.”

Then, tenderly, Zen kisses her. Lux holds onto his hands, savouring the moment. His lips glide gently against hers, making butterflies flutter in her stomach. The very edge of his teeth brushes against her mouth in the most careful nibbles. She feels it, the way he yearns for her, kissing her like it's the last time. Through her response, she accepts his feelings and offers her own.

"Goodbye, honey," he murmurs against her lips.

"See you in a month."

"See you _later_."

"Yes," she chuckles.

Finally, they let go of each other. Zen opens the door to reveal Seongjin, his manager. He wears an expectant expression tinged with impatience. When he sees Lux, though, he smiles politely. She bows to him in greeting as Zen picks up the suitcases and makes his way out. Lux watches from the door as Seongjin catches up to him and helps him load the luggage in the van waiting outside the complex. Then, Seongjin opens the door and gestures for Zen to go inside first. Before that, Zen looks over his shoulder and blows her a kiss. Beaming, she blows one back.

And in an instant, he's gone.

Lux's happy expression dims. Sighing, she closes the door.

* * *

**ZEN, Lux**

**Lux**

Zenny~

**ZEN**

Lux!

My honey~

We’re really meant for each other~

I was just about to call you…

and suddenly I get your text!

Isn’t that amazing?

**Lux**

No matter how far apart we are

we’re still connected~

**ZEN**

<3

What can I do for you, my princess?

**Lux**

I just want to know if you’re home yet~

You said you’re out of the airport by 7, right?

**ZEN**

My babe is worried for me~

I love you so~ much!

Actually, I just got out.

Seongjin’s driving me home.

**Lux**

I’m so relieved you arrived safely!

I want to see your handsome face~

Hopefully, time passes by quickly.

**ZEN**

I can’t wait…

I really want to spoil you…

;)

You get off at 9, right? :(

Are you okay?

**Lux**

:(

But I am okay! ^^

I love how you worry about me. <3

You know how the start of the year’s always busy.

Two hours left, though! It won’t be long now~

We can see each other again!

**ZEN**

I’m counting down the minutes~

Lux reads the messages with a happy smile. The past two hours have been unbearable knowing that he's waiting for her at home. Now, finally, she's done—she can finally see him. Unable to contain her excitement, she sends a message telling him that she'll be home soon. Her heart leaps as he replies back, saying that he's waiting for her. She sends a few hearts before closing the app.

"Lux."

Looking up from her phone, she sees Seojun, her mentor, peeking in.

"Seojun, hey," she greets.

"Finished?"

"Finally," she sighs in relief. "I'm going home. You?"

"Same." He gestures to the hallway. "Let's walk out?"

"Sure."

Seojun waits as Lux closes the door to her office. Then, they both make their way through the hall towards the staircase. In this late hour, the staff department is almost a ghost town. Two or three offices still have their lights on as, like her, some staff work overtime. The rest is dark and empty, making the hallway they're walking through dim and eerie.

"He's back today, right?"

Lux starts at the sudden question. Glancing at Seojun, she finds him looking expectantly at her with a teasing smile. The corners of her lips tug up as the words sink in. Zen is no longer far away—granted it will still take a few trips for her to reach him. Despite that little detail, she takes comfort in one truth.

Zen is home.

"He is," she says, cheeks reddening. "I can't wait to see him."

"Good effort," he compliments. "You hung in there."

"Seojun," she laughs. "This isn’t the first time he goes on location shoots."

"Yeah, but all those other times weren't surrounded by crazy rumours."

Lux tenses at that. "Right... true."

"Didn't it get worse after he left?" Seojun continues with a disapproving tone. "Weren't there pictures floating around? Everyone's speculating about it."

She shrugs with a helpless smile.

"Yeah, well..."

"That's rough."

Lux looks at her mentor again and finds him wincing.

"There's nothing in them, though," she defends.

"I know that," he agrees. "Everyone else? Whew..."

"I can't do anything about that."

"Which sucks for you."

Biting her lips, she says nothing.

"Does he assure you at least?"

"He does," she replies quickly. "He never forgets me."

"Good."

They descend the stairs to the ground floor. Everywhere else is dark, testifying to the lateness of the hour. In many areas the only lights remaining are ones in the hallway. They're for the stragglers and the cleaners who prepare the school for another busy day. As they approach the entrance Lux sees a small group of people at the doors. Wow, there must be more people taking overtime than she realises.

"You're strong, as always," Seojun comments.

"Come on."

"Seriously. This would've destroyed anyone—understandably."

"Hmm."

"But you? Like a Ginko tree. Completely unbothered."

“Oh…”

Lux shrugs.

"I wouldn't say that," she admits. "It's definitely weird and... yeah. Zen announced our relationship to the world... everyone knows I'm his girlfriend, but still... I mean, it happens, right? Isn't that expected of the industry?"

"Where the currency is gossip and rumours? Yeah."

She chuckles weakly. "Exactly."

"Of course, none of this is my business," he continues. "As long as he prioritises you and protects you from all this nonsense, that's all that matters."

"He is," Lux confirms. "I appreciate you worrying, though."

"We're friends, Lux; of course I'd worry."

They stop at a crossed path close to the entrance. A flash catches Lux's eyes and, with a confused frown, she glances towards the crowd gathered at the doors. She thought they are all overtime workers going home. Now that she's paying proper attention she finds them all tittering. Every few seconds a flash pops up, which she realises comes from mobile phones. What is happening over there?

"Well, I'm parked on the other side," Seojun says.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," Lux replies with a smile. "Good work."

"You too."

With that, he's off.

Lux watches over him with a smile. Then, she turns her curious attention to the hubbub near the doors. Her nosiness gets the better of her and she approaches the crowd. The murmurs and giggles increase in volume the closer she gets. An atmosphere of excitement has clearly settled over them. She also sees a few people swooning over whatever it is they're looking at. How mysterious.

“Excuse me…” she says.

Someone from the crowd turns to her. Lux blinks as they gasp.

"Lux!" they exclaim. "O-of course!"

They shuffle away, catching the attention of people nearby. To her further surprise, they react the same way upon seeing her. Soon, she finds herself a clear path leading to the object of her curiosity. She bows at their courteousness before walking through. The first thing that catches her gaze is another small group that's gathered ahead of the doors.

"Honey!"

Lux's heart leaps at the voice. With wide eyes, she focuses on the crowd... and sees a familiar tuft of silvery-white hair. Next, she catches a pair of glittering garnet eyes, gazing at her with happiness. At that moment the world and everything in it cease to exist. It's her... and him, the one who has her heart. Suddenly her chest twinges in pain as she feels the length of their days apart. Yes, a month was _that_ long—too long to spend without him.

Her feet carry her to him before she even thinks about it. A happy smile tugs at her lips as his eyes follow her. The distance between them shortens, but it still feels far away. She wants to jump into his arms and wrap herself around him, but she steels herself. It's hard. She wants to make sure he's real and that this isn't all a dream...

"Zen!" she exclaims, stopping beside him. "What are you doing here?"

"Being a good boyfriend and picking you up," he answers, chuckling.

He reaches out and gently pets her head. Lux relaxes at his touch, so much that she feels it in her shoulders. Relief overwhelms her like a flood. The next second Lux blinks in surprise. This gesture is not new between them... but somehow, at that moment, it's comforted her more than any other time he's done it.

“Surprised?” he teases.

To her further confusion, tears wet her lashes. “Yes—”

“But Zen isn’t Jocelyn your girlfriend?"

The question brings a stop to everything. Lux freezes in shock. She turns to the group gathered before them. Embarrassed, she recognises her carelessness. She is so eager to see Zen that she forgets that they are there. None of them are from the school, she notes. They're also young. On top of that, they look at her with suspicion and disapproval.

Reality, at that point, hits Lux like a bullet.

Suddenly, she's conscious of herself, of her relationship with Zen. The rumours surrounding him and Jocelyn become this very real thing. She grips the strap of her bag as her chest twinges with a different kind of pain. For all her blasé attitude towards this scandal she now finds herself at a loss of how to respond.

“Oh, that funny rumour.”

Zen's playful sigh brings Lux to the present. She watches him as he returns to his fans and continues to sign for them. He briefly meets her eyes. His expression softens for a second before he wears a professional and friendly face. It's different from the happy look he had before. Though she missed the atmosphere before she arrived, she assumes it's different from what it is now. Zen exudes distance. From the stricken way some of the fans look… it doesn't seem like a good thing.

“I’m not dating Jocelyn. I have a beautiful girlfriend already.”

An awkward feeling wraps around them. It's so suffocating that Lux grips her bag strap tighter. Looking over the group again she notices that some continue to smile obliviously. Others seem to be on the verge of cringing. This is her fault, isn't it? Her presence has caused a divide for what should have been a happy moment between Zen and his fans. The one who asked the question looks like her world fell apart.

“O-oh… no, I’m sorry…”

"It's all right," Zen assures her. "I'm sorry to my girlfriend, though; she's been so patient and forgiving with me through this. That makes her the greatest, don't you think?"

A murmur of agreement spreads throughout the group. The girl who asked the question nods fervently. Lux sighs with a helpless smile when Zen glances at her and winks. In the next second the atmosphere lightens and becomes friendlier. All the fans are now beaming and tittering around him.

"Ready to go, babe?" he says, signing the last of the autographs.

"Whenever you are."

"Okay."

Once done, he helps her up the motorcycle. Then, he puts the helmet on her, arranging her hair to make sure it's not caught on anything. She protests when he gives her his jacket, but he insists with a gentle shush. Despite the helmet muting the sound, she can somehow hear some whoops and hoots. Her face reddens when she looks around and finds that they still have an audience. Zen opens the visor, prompting her to turn to him.

"Hold on to me, okay?" he says.

Lux nods.

He gets on and she wraps her arms around his waist. As he starts the engine she presses herself onto his back. She waves to her co-workers who wave back enthusiastically. Zen, meanwhile, says farewell to his fans. With that, he rides them off the campus and into the main road.

Lux's hold around Zen turns vice-like as he weaves through the cars. He slows to a stop at the lights when it turns red. As they wait, Lux runs her hands along his torso. She starts when he takes her hand. To her surprise, he presses it to his helmet in a sort-of kiss. Her face warms. She presses her head into the middle of his back, shaking it in embarrassment. Through all the layers between them she still feels the deep rumble of his laugher. The light turns green and they're off again.

The whole trip takes ten minutes. Lux relaxes as she sees their building. Zen goes into the parking area and stops at a spot, turning off the engine. With a sharp sigh, he takes off his helmet. Then, he hops off and helps Lux, assisting with her helmet. Smiling gently, he combs back her mussed hair.

"Are you okay?" he says.

"Yes," she assures him. "But what about you? Did you get cold?"

Smile widening, he lifts her hands and kisses them.

“What cold? Your arms warmed me up plenty,” he says, winking.

She still hasn't recovered from his display earlier. Wordlessly, she takes the helmet and wears it again. With a hearty laugh, Zen hugs her head and kisses the top of the helmet before taking it off once more. She catches his radiant, happy grin and it steals her breath away.

“Zen, your handsomeness makes it hard to breathe.”

“Then, my princess, let’s go home before you faint,” he teases.

Taking her hand, he leads her home. He opens the door with a flourish and lets her go in first with a sweeping bow. She turns to him the moment the door closes, gasping when a desperate kiss meets her. Zen advances on her, making her step back and press against the door. She clutches his shirt as he cups her face, placing little kisses all over her lips.

"Zen..." she whispers when he pulls away. “I missed you..."

"God," he laughs, breathless. "That sounds dangerous."

"What does?"

"The way you whispered..."

She chuckles. “Did I wake up the beast?”

"Almost.”

He kisses her forehead as she wraps her arms around him in a tight hug. He slips his arms around her waist and pulls her flush against him, moulding her body to his in a tighter embrace. Seconds of silence pass as they reacquaint with each other. Lux has to come to terms with his month-long absence in her life.

“I’m home, honey…” he whispers in her ear. “I missed you so much.”

“Welcome home—”

The sudden sound of knocking had them both jumping. They laugh as the emotional atmosphere of their reunion dissipates. After one last kiss to her forehead, Zen goes on to answer the door, urging Lux to go on and settle in.

“Waiting for something?” she says.

“I ordered delivery,” he says with a grin.

He opens the door, revealing a delivery girl whose beaming smile falls in abject shock at the sight of him. She drops the plastic bags full of takeaway. Zen reaches out and catches them with a panicked yelp. Chuckling at the scene, Lux goes further inside the apartment. As she goes into their bedroom she can’t help feeling… comfortable, like everything’s back in place. Without Zen’s bright presence the apartment had been painfully quiet. Hearing his voice down the hall erases the dark mark of loneliness that settled within her since he left.

Finally, he’s home.

And it feels like she’s back home too.

* * *

“This way.”

Lux follows Seongjin as he leads her.

After returning from his location shoot, Zen only had a day of rest. Then he's back to early morning pickups and late-night drop-offs. As her schedule returns to normal levels, his maintains its busy state. At the very least she’ll be with him, no matter how late. She prefers that to not being with him at all.

Ever since Zen discovered the rumours he has been inviting her to visit him on set. Because of work she's unable to find the best time. Now with her schedule back to normal she was freer. After some planning, she decided on a day to visit. In the morning she told Zen that she’d drop by. The happiness he exuded was enough to energise her for years. She planned to go there on her own, but when she got out of work Seongjin was waiting for her. She was so touched that she couldn't refuse.

Now she follows him to where Zen is.

The production had sealed off a large area for the shoot. Various lights and equipment surround the perimeter. Several people walk in and out of it, sometimes to check on equipment and sometimes to consult other people. The bigger lights circle a small area inside the perimeter. From the cameras that surround that area, Lux assumes that’s where the shooting location is.

Seongjin leads Lux inside the perimeter and towards the smaller area. He weaves through the bustling staff, finding a spot for her to stand in. As she follows him she catches a few people glancing at her in recognition and surprise. To prevent any awkwardness she bows to every one of them.

“You can stand here,” Seongjin whispers, guiding her to a specific spot. “They’re in the middle of a shoot right now so I’ll let him know you’re here when they take a break, okay?”

“Of course,” she murmurs. “Thank you, Manager.”

“No worries—now, behave.”

He brings his finger to his lips and she nods.

The director calls for quiet and commands action. Lux smiles proudly as she watches Zen in his element. He looks so perfect—natural. It’s like he’s born for this very purpose. She never tires of watching him behind the camera, it’s like she’s privy to a private stage performance. Shows and movies always add elements to make a scene feel a certain way. But with this, she sees the power he has, how he enthrals with his skill alone. He leaves no doubt that the character he wears can exist in the real world. On top of that, he also elevates his co-stars. Next to him, Jocelyn’s demure acting is all the more endearing and adorable.

She continues to watch as Zen sits on the bench. He and Jocelyn talk. There’s cautious flirtatiousness to their conversation. The shyness Jocelyn exudes makes Zen’s confident playfulness attractive and charming. Their teasing rises to a peak as Jocelyn walks off in a huff. Suddenly Zen grabs hold of her wrist and pulls her to his lap. Lux starts when the people around her gasp. Looking around, she finds most of the staff gazing adoringly at the two, completely taken with the scene unfolding before them.

As the scene continues on she overhears a conversation behind her.

“God, it’s so romantic—I’m so jealous!”

“Yeah, it looks _so_ good—no wonder they’re in a relationship.”

“What do you mean?”

“Eh? What are you asking—aren’t they dating?”

“What? No, they’re not!”

“No? But they’re all reporting about it!”

“It’s all just rumours! Zen already has a girlfriend!”

“What—oh, the conference thing? I thought that was fake!”

The smile on Lux’s face falls and her heart sinks.

Discomfort churns in her stomach. Gradually hurt replaces the pride she feels. Zen and Jocelyn look into each other’s eyes, and Lux recognises his expression with a pang. He’d stare at her like that sometimes. She clutches her bag strap, eyes wide and glimmering as he leans in and captures Jocelyn’s lips in a chaste kiss. All around her she hears the staff melting at the sight.

Pain twinges in her chest, twisting her in a way that makes her want to keel. A lump forms in her throat as tears sting the back of her eyes. Zen kisses Jocelyn with such gentleness that’s familiar to Lux. He’d kiss her that way too. When Jocelyn responded by cupping his face, she wants to scream at them to stop.

Time goes at a standstill. The scene seems to go on for way too long. Are they still acting or is this real? From where Lux stands she feels the magic between them—inexplicable, but compelling. It’s so intimate and private that she wants to take her eyes away... but like a spectacular train wreck, she can’t stop herself from watching.

She wants it to stop.

The director’s yell breaks the spell. Zen and Jocelyn separate as the crowd breaks into enthusiastic but scattered applause. Lux releases the breath she didn’t even notice she’s been holding. She hears it, the praise Zen and Jocelyn receive as a couple. This despite that she’s right there… despite that some of them had seen her coming in.

Unable to take any more she turns to walk away. She weaves through the crowd, speeding until she steps out of the perimeter. After that, she slows to an amble, heart over her chest to calm her pounding heart. Tears continue to sting her eyes and she has to bite her lip, almost breaking the skin, to prevent herself from crying.

“Honey!”

His voice is like a douse of cold water. She keeps walking, only stopping when Zen’s gentle hand touches her shoulder.

“Where are you going?” he says.

She doesn’t face him. “I’m going home.”

“Home? But…”

Both of his hands are now on her shoulders. She tries not to flinch as they slide over her upper arms.

“But we just saw each other,” he protests softly.

She blinks away the tears that persistently push through.

“I know… I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling well.”

“You’re not well?”

He turns her to face him. She keeps her head down, trying not to show her face, but as expected he tenderly lifts her chin. He exposes her to him as he looks over her and places a gentle hand on her forehead. Reluctantly, she looks at him. She sees his eyes widen, but whether that's because he feels something, or he sees how close to tears she is, she doesn’t know.

“I should take you to a doctor,” he says.

“You’re still working,” she reminds him with a weak smile.

Avoiding his gaze once more she takes his hands off her. Stepping back, she puts a considerable distance between them. Against her wishes, a sniffle escapes her lips. She catches Zen reaching for her, but she crosses her arms and his hands drop to his side.

What’s wrong with her? Why is she being like this?

“I’ll sleep this off,” she assures him.

A pause passes between them and Zen sighs.

“Okay…” he relents, voice low. “Okay. I’ll let Seongjin know—”

“No, don’t bother him,” she says hurriedly.

“But, babe—”

“He went through so much trouble dropping me off here.”

“But it’s night and you’re not well…”

She casts a quick glance at him, assailed with guilt at his troubled face.

“I’ll be fine,” she insists.

He hesitates, but then nods.

“Okay, honey… but text me when you get home, okay?”

“I will.”

“Uhm…”

Zen looks like he’s struggling to say something. Lux waits, anxious, but he shakes his head.

“No, nothing… thank you for dropping by,” he says, smiling tenderly. “It made me _really_ happy to see you.”

The bottom of her lip trembles at his words, at his ready acceptance and protectiveness. Even when she’s acting like this he treats her with gentleness. Though she's imperfect for him... though she gives no explanation for her actions, her attitudes... still he shows her how much he loves and cares for her.

She doesn’t deserve him…

As she begins to walk off he reaches out, this time grasping her wrist. Zen pulls her towards him and to her panic, she realises that he’s going to kiss her… kiss her like he kissed Jocelyn. Those perfect lips had been on another’s minutes ago—and not just anyone. It’s not right. All this feels out of place. Before he reaches her she turns away, leaning back so he doesn’t come into contact with any part of her. Tense silence falls between them. She doesn’t need to look at him to know how confused and hurt he must look. Self-loathing and guilt almost succeed in making her cry. She pulls from him and quickly strides off.

“Bye.”

* * *

Over an hour later she’s back in their apartment. Cleaned up and dressed, she now lies on the couch. She stares at the television, which shows a variety show in low volume. Despair churns inside of her along with guilt, jealousy, and self-loathing. She hates herself for how she acted towards Zen. Rejecting him was not what she intended, but it was instinct. She wanted to protect herself, but it ended up hurting him.

How pathetic is she…?

Tears now escape her eyes as the scene replays itself in her head. It torments her. The way it looked so romantic, so real… of course, everyone would read a relationship into it. It makes sense for people to think that it’s them that are together. Zen always kisses her that way… always looks at her with the same kind of gentleness that moves her. But somehow he and Jocelyn make it a reality. She sniffles as irrational possessiveness wells up in her. For the first time, she feels like nothing in her relationship with Zen is legitimate. Nothing. Not the kisses, the touches… not even the words.

Because no one sees it, it doesn't exist.

But they see it in a show and somehow that’s more real.

What does that mean for her? How can she be sure that they’re real?

The sound of keys jangling makes her sit up in panic. Quickly, she grabs the tissues to wipe her face and nose. As the door opens she composes herself, managing a weak, welcoming smile as Zen steps inside. At the sight of her, his eyes widen in surprise.

“Oh, babe!” he says softly, closing the door. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “You didn’t.”

He strides towards her, dropping his things on the floor. She scoots to the very corner of the couch as he sits next to her. It takes effort for her not to recoil as he cups her face, brushing away her fringe to feel her forehead. She watches him as he looks over her, but is unable to meet his eyes. When the tips of his fingers skimmed underneath her eyes she nearly cringes. Are her eyes still red? She can feel how puffy they are. Does he notice?

“How are you feeling?” he says, voice subdued.

She’s about to say that she’s fine, but memories of that kissing scene flash in her mind. She can’t find it within herself to lie. Sighing, she takes his hands off her and stands up, avoiding his eyes as she turns towards the kitchen.

“Have you eaten?” she says. “There are still some leftovers—”

“Wait.”

She stops.

“What’s wrong?” he says.

A jolt runs through her body. “I-I don’t know what you mean…”

“Back on set you looked like you were about to cry,” he reveals, voice full of concern and hurt. “But… just before I got home you really were crying, weren’t you? You’ve been crying for a while…”

The tears emerge again. “Zen…”

“Did something happen on set? Did—did I do something?”

“No! You didn’t do anything.”

“But someone did? Did they say something to you?”

“Nothing like that.”

“Then… please, babe, tell me what’s wrong…”

Lux opens her mouth to tell him it’s nothing, lips poised to utter the first vowel, but Zen coaxes her to turn and look at him. He holds both of her hands, face full of worry. Underneath the apartment lights his eyes glimmer and she sees herself reflected in its crimson depths. What a wretched image she makes. Zen doesn’t deserve to see this. Tears well in her eyes, her lower lip trembles as she struggles to answer.

“I…”

Dismay crosses Zen’s face. He kisses her hands and guides her back to the couch. Once again sitting beside him, she looks down on her lap. Her vision blurs as tears sting the back of her eyes. Biting her lip, she tries her best to not let a single drop fall as Zen tucks her hair behind her ears.

“Honey,” he pleads. “Talk to me, please.”

Lux sighs, reluctant to say a word. This is her problem, not his. It’s not that she doesn’t want to include him… more like she doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. The way she feels is not his fault—in fact, he does his best to protect her from all this… but somehow it still reached her. It still hurt her. She _let_ it. She needs to sort this out on her own; he doesn’t need to know…

But he deserves to.

“I get it,” she says. “What they say about you and Jocelyn.”

With a quick glance, she catches horror crossing his face.

“Babe, it’s not true,” he says quickly. “None of it. I love you so much. You’re the only one for me. I would never, _ever_ cheat on you—god, I honestly would rather die first. If you want to check my phone I’ll give it to you. You can ask anybody on set—”

“I know,” she replies hurriedly. “I know. I didn’t mean it like that—that’s not what I was thinking about. I know you wouldn’t do that. I trust you completely.”

He sighs in relief, but he still looks worried. “Then what’s wrong?”

“Me,” she confesses.

That stuns him. Somehow that forces the tears to fall. Admitting this makes her feel so pathetic. She can’t help feeling like the annoying, clingy girlfriend. Someone so selfish and greedy who doesn’t have the strength or attitude to be in a relationship with an actor of Zen’s calibre.

“I’m what’s wrong,” she continues, sobbing. “Everyone loves you two together. You’re perfect for each other. Your chemistry is so magical that you _must_ be in love. They believe what they see in you two—they _prefer_ it.”

“Babe…” Zen whispers. “Babe, that’s not true—”

She shakes her head at his placation, sniffling.

“But you hear what they say,” she says. “We’re not married yet. They don’t see us together so it must not be real. Your press conference was a setup. Our relationship is fake... even your fans believe her to be your girlfriend…”

Zen doesn’t say any more as she continues to spill her dark feelings. Word after word tumbles from her mouth with no sign of stopping. She’s desperate to. This turn of events is not something she wants. She hates how she’s weak, how a simple thing like this unhinges her so easily. Zen’s life as an actor will always have this. She must be stronger; that’s what he needs from her.

“And… god, I don’t know,” she sighs in defeat. “I saw that kissing scene—how everyone reacted to it and I _understand_. You two are magical together. Even I believe it. And they know her—they _trust_ her. You two make much more sense than we do and… god, I’m sorry.”

She pulls her hands from his and buries her face in them as she sobs in earnest. As she struggles to calm herself she worries about Zen’s reaction. How disappointing is she to him now? He always calls her these beautiful and nice things. But now that he sees that she doesn’t embody a single one will he still like her? She wants to stay by his side and support him in everything he does… but after this, there might not be another chance.

“I’m sorry,” she gasps, rubbing her face and combing back her hair before grabbing more tissues. She avoids his eyes, afraid of what he looks like in the face of her weakness. “I’m sorry—don’t worry about it. It’s just… all the rumours got to me and made me weak. I didn’t mean to be a cry-baby and make you uncomfortable with all this.”

“Lux.”

She ignores him and stands up, quickly shuffling to the kitchen.

“I’ll prepare some dinner for you, okay—”

Zen captures her wrist. A yelp escapes her as he pulls her to him. Part of her expects to sit on his lap, but to her surprise, she falls on the couch instead. Her breath leaves her in a huff as she lands on the cushions. A few seconds of silence pass before she realises that she had squeezed her eyes closed.

Slowly, she opens them, inhaling sharply at the position she finds herself in. Her hands are flat on his chest while his… one is on her thigh, the other rests at the back of her head, holding her in place. The way she fell had her legs draped over his lap. They’re so close together that their breaths mingle as they breathe. He wears an impassive expression… but in the depths of his eyes is an emotion so intense that it makes her heart race. She swallows hard, nerves on haywire because she can’t tell what he’s thinking. Somewhere she hears the clock ticking. It accompanies the building tension, counting down to something…

“Zen—”

He takes her lips in a passionate kiss.

Lux freezes in shock as his mouth glides over hers. She doesn’t know what to think, how to react as the intensity of his actions washes over her. A flush spreads over her cheeks as the tip of his tongue teases the seam of her lips. Then he follows with a few gentle nips with his teeth. A fire ignites within her, sparked by the man she loves. Gradually, she kisses back—

But the image of that kissing scene invades her mind, tainting this moment. Discomfort now replaces the warmth that started to spread in her body. Once again this feels all wrong. She tries to push him away, to push away the reality that she mistakenly believed she was ready for.

In response, he presses her closer to him. A whimper escapes her throat as he deepens the kiss, carefully sweeping his tongue inside her mouth. He tastes of mint toothpaste; combined with his cologne it makes for an intoxicating combination. He starts to stroke her thigh, every touch erasing the image of that shoot from her mind. It vanishes completely when he suckles her bottom lip. Now her mind is full of him, of the way he overwhelms her heightened senses.

The need for air separates them. Their eyes meet briefly before Zen nuzzles her neck. Leftover tears escape Lux’s eyes as they breathe heavily together. She bites her tingling lips. Meanwhile, Zen rains kisses along her neck; he pays attention to a particular spot before gently suckling. She thought he was marking her, but he barely applies real suction. She takes the comfort he offers her, turning her head to kiss the shell of his ear.

“This… this is real,” Zen says. “This kiss, this moment… it’s real. It will always be real. It’ll be the most real thing in our whole lives. If you ever feel unsure… then just come to me. Tell me and I’ll remind you. I’ll give you all the proof you need.”

Her chest twinges at his words.

“Zen…”

He hugs her to him, his heart hammering against her palms.

“I’m so sorry, babe. I’m sorry you had to see the kissing scene—no, I’m sorry for allowing a situation where seeing it hurts you. I should have done more; I should have given you more confidence. I shouldn’t have listened to them and just… showed the world how much we love each other…”

“Zen, you don’t have to apologise…”

“No, I do. I won’t do publicity with Jocelyn anymore. I won’t take any offers for romance shows,” he says. “I’ll also ask the agency to change the contract and give us freedom. Let’s go on dates, okay? I’ll tell the world that I’m yours and only yours. That should shut them up.”

“Please don’t. You don’t have to…” Lux protests quietly. “I’ll be all right. Just... all this got to me and made me a bit weak. I don’t want to hold you back from acting—you _love_ acting. If you start making compromises then you won’t get what you want.”

“I do love acting.”

Lux looks at him as he lifts his head. Their eyes meet.

“But I love you _more_.”

The sincerity of his words overwhelms her to the point of tears. Her face flushes in embarrassment and in a panic, she covers her face with her hands. Zen’s husky, amused laugh mortifies her and she refuses to budge when he tries to pry her hands away. It doesn’t make her feel better when he contents with kissing her knuckles.

“Honey, I want to see your adorable face,” he cajoles.

“No, it’s embarrassing!”

“More embarrassing than what you look like when we—?”

With a squeak, she presses her fingers to his lips. His triumphant chuckle makes her realise what he succeeded in making her do. Finally, though, she relents and laughs with him. At that moment they have returned to focusing on each other, on the love they have only for one another.

“Better?” he murmurs.

She nods gratefully and he kisses her fingers.

“You can be greedier with me, you know,” he says. “I’d love it if you are. I love you for your consideration—I appreciate it so much… but I hope you know that I’ll do everything for you. I’m so ready to give every part of myself to you… all you have to do is ask.”

She hesitates, looking into his eyes, which sparkles with love.

“I’ll be by your side as you have been on mine, right?” he reminds her.

“Okay,” she smiles helplessly at him before looking away. “Then…”

“Yes, my princess?”

“Then… spoil me a bit more,” she requests. “Just until this show ends. After that I’ll be fine and you don’t have to anymore, but until then…”

He laughs, nipping her fingertips. “It will be my pleasure.”

She sighs in relief.

“But…”

She tenses as their eyes meet. He winks at her.

“I can’t guarantee that I’ll stop after the show ends.”

She bursts into soft giggles, relieved at his playfulness. With one last peck on her fingers, he pulls back. He’s about to put some space between them when she reaches out and holds onto the sleeve of his shirt. He stops and gives her a questioning look.

“I’d like to continue,” she says.

“Really?”

She nods. And he doesn’t need telling twice. He gives her another kiss—this time urgently, with more heat. The flame he’s sparked within her now blazes into an indistinguishable fire. She yelps as he sweeps her in his arms. He carries her to the bedroom, kissing every part of her he can reach, eliciting more laughter out of her.

The things happening outside of their relationship… doesn’t matter.

They love each other. That’s the truth.

It will be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://myuntoldstory.tumblr.com/post/635898732579258368/mystic-messenger-behind-the-scenes) | FF.net
> 
> 1\. I love Zen. I miss Zen. Zen is best boyfriend.
> 
> 2\. This whole story was born from a single scene that would not leave my brain. It has now been officially exorcised. Thank goodness for plot bunnies otherwise I'd have nothing during this pandemic.
> 
> 3\. Whenever I revisit the saved phone calls in MM I always go to Zen's first because he just makes me all warm and fluffy inside. A recent venture lead me to his Valentine's Day dlc where I completely forgot that an option to break his TV exists (at the expense of breaking your heart because destroying the TV will make him sad). As usual I want to explore certain moments/events from MC's point-of-view, maybe expand on it. The whole rumour mill with Jocelyn is one of those moments.
> 
> Aaand that is it! As usual, thank you so much for reading and enjoying the story! Any feedback is welcome! I hope you all have a good day. Stay safe, stay healthy. Let's get through this together.


End file.
